Hey man, I know that it's early on a Saturday morning and there aren't many people who might drive by your place. I know that it's your place and your yard and you have the right to feel comfortable there. That's fine. However, please remember that your back yard faces a road that is slightly above the level of your yard, and your chain-link fence doesn't really hide much. That being said, please put some fucking clothes on.
It's early, it's Saturday, and I am taking my tired, grumpy ass to work; the last fucking thing I want to see is your fat ass walking around your back porch in nothing but your boxers. Thank you for further annoying my morning with the visual of you and your massive fucking gut waddling around in your underwear. I'm not sure at what body fat percentage you begin to lose all semblance of body consciousness, but obviously you passed it a long time ago. I guess maybe if I had no hope of ever seeing my penis again without some lifting help and a mirror I might give up, too. But even if you've lost hope, there is no reason that a man who looks like he's carrying quadruplets should ever be outside without a shirt on. There are some of us who still have the hopes of not having to look at tubby bastards in their underwear when we're still waking up. I know that society accepts men going shirtless as o.k., but there is a line where it becomes vulgar, and you have crossed that line.
Please, sir, for the good of the neighborhood, get dressed when you take your ass outside. Be as naked as you want to be inside your house with the blinds closed, but once you step outside...cover that shit. Everyone on the street will thank you.
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