Potpourri

Hey, fuckstain who has been honking your fucking car horn every fucking morning at 8 o'clock the last 4 days: stop that shit you inconsiderate asshole. Just because you're awake and too fucking lazy to walk 15 feet to the front door of whomever it is you are picking up doesn't give you the right to annoy the rest of us who might be trying to sleep after working until the middle of the night. Get your thoughtless, lazy fucking ass out of your ride and walk to the door. You will greatly lessen your chances of someone in the neighborhood going Office Space on your car.

Hey, Dollar General: you're a bunch of fucking liars. First off, almost nothing in your store costs only one dollar. Secondly, how the fuck does a dollar store have shit that costs $4.35? Nothing anywhere costs $4.35. That has to be some sort of typo. Third, aren't "dollar stores" supposed to be cheaper? Almost everything I saw in your store short of the random, poorly made plastic shit that only the Haiti broke fuckers would consider buying (yeah, I said that, save your "aww..." for someone who has a heart) was more expensive than it would be at one of the big box stores or a grocery store. Yeah, whatever, your knock-off Crocs might be cheap, but there should be a bin full of poles or sticks or something next to them so that the rest of us can rap the shit out of someone's knees should they consider buying them. I had never been in a Dollar General before, and I needed one fucking thing. I found it, but only after being let down and then pissed off by your blatant lies. I am not a fan of yours Dollar General.

Hey, old bitch who works the register at Dollar General: I know you probably don't have a lot of education. I know you're probably only working this job because your deadbeat son is stealing from your Social Security. I know that social grace probably isn't one of your skill sets. As long as you can scan that one thing and give me my change, we're good. The scanning went well, good job. But WHAT THE FUCK? Why did you feel that it was OK to cough like you want to eject a lung directly into your hand and then immediately grab my change out of the register? Really? Not even an attempt to wipe that shit on your pants or anything? Holy fuck, excuse yourself and go wash your hands, bitch. I can wait two minutes. Or better yet, go to aisle 3 and get one of those $2.41 bottles of hand sanitizer and pour half of it on your hands and half on my change. Fuck. Who does that? I am not a fan of yours, Dollar General. You either, Freida Flu Bug. Fortunately I am psychotic enough to carry some sanitizer in my car. Sanitizer I bought at a decent price at a better fucking store.

Hey, soccer parents surrounding me at my kid's soccer game today: shut the fuck up. You talk too much, and you talk about stupid shit. We're supposed to be sitting here supporting our kids while they run around in the heat trying to make us proud, you could at least pretend to pay attention. It's one hour. You can peel yourself away from the enthralling world of pedicures or real estate concerns or "Dan's new 5 series" or how cute the Hoffmeier's new puppy is long enough to pretend to care about your kid. You never know when she might do something great and you will have missed it because you were too busy talking about some stupid shit that could have waited 20 minutes. Not only that, but your constant yapping is fucking annoying. Shut. Up. We have about 10 more games. Shut the fuck up at all of them.

Damn, I need a beer.