A 10k and Flabby Bellies

Hey Bitches. It's been a few days, and I know you're going through withdrawals, but everything is going to be o.k. now. That's right, just sit back and take it all in, that first hit after too long without it is good, right?

Anyway, I ran my first ever 10k yesterday, and it wasn't so bad. In fact, I finished under the goal I had set, which filled me with some sort of very odd feeling. The wife says it was probably pride, but since I don't really recall ever feeling that before, I don't know. I thought maybe I had pulled something in my brain during the race, but the wife insists I'm proud of myself. Whatever. All I do know is that I still hate running, even if yesterday went better than I had hoped. As always, there was enough eye candy at the race to make that alone worth my $25 entry fee.

There was the exact opposite of eye candy at the store this morning. I'm not overly interested in fashion (my standard outfit is either Dickies or shorts and a band t-shirt), I'm certainly no style maven. I do pay enough attention to other people, and I work part-time at a music venue, so I have at least some idea what is in style. I know that low-rise jeans are a trend right now, and on the right body, they can be a pretty nice thing.

What I saw this morning was not a nice thing at all. Hey random bitch shopping at Ingles, you are too fucking fat to wear low-rise jeans. If your pant size can be divided by 7 more than once, you cannot wear low-rise jeans. Ever. Never ever ever. Why clothing companies would even make low-rise jeans in that size is perplexing. Why your big ass would buy them is even more so. When you tried them on, did you not notice the big roll of flabby fucking stomach hanging over the waistline? When you were inhaling and holding your breath to get those motherfuckers to button, did you not think that maybe you should reconsider your choice in pants? When you saw that you looked like someone squeezing ground beef in their hand, did you get distracted by thoughts of burgers? Do you think that is attractive? It's not. I promise you it's not. Yeah, maybe there is some chubby chaser in the chips aisle who might look and say "Damn, I'd like to eat last Tuesday's Cheetos out of those rolls," but I promise you, that person would be the extreme exception. The rest of us want you to cover that shit up. We don't want to look at your muffin tops (that look like 6 cups worth of batter in one cup). That shit isn't cute. Buy some regular pants and a shirt that extends beyond the waistline, and keep that shit inside. Seriously. It's gross.

However, your vulgar display made me lose my appetite and as a result, I didn't spend very much at the grocery store; so I do have to thank you for that.

But still, burn those fucking pants.

And to whatever manufacturer is making that shit...stop. Stop tempting people who have no business wearing fashions meant for people who don't test the tensile strength of spandex to buy that shit. I know you're all about the money, but damn, maybe have a conscience for once. I realize that as America gets fatter and more and more obese people come to think of themselves as sexy because almost half the population is as big or bigger than they are, trends will change. But flabby fucking stomach fat hanging over pants will never be sexy, so stop making pants that allow these delusional bitches the opportunity to put it on display. Please. Fuck the children, think about those of us who don't want to see a size 18 stuffed into size 16 low-rise jeans.

You're welcome for the awesome visuals on a Sunday evening, Bitches. It's why you love me.