Mother Nature is a Bitch

OK, Mother Nature, I don't know who pissed you off. I don't know if someone killed your cat or insulted your carrot cake or what happened, but you're just being a disgruntled bitch lately. Maybe you're on some mission to tell the Global Warming crowd to shove that idea up their asses or something, but whatever the reason, we get it. I got the point after you whipped up a 8 inches of snow that I had to drive in coming home from work (don't even get me started on the stupid fuckers around here who obviously have zero clue how to handle driving in snow) and the 20-21 days in a row where the temperature didn't get above freezing. Yeah, I got it. You're mad, you're not gonna take it anymore.

So, this big ass storm that is coming into the area that is supposed to dump another 6-10 inches of snow and icy "fuck-you" and mess up everybody's weekend...totally unnecessary. You've gone beyond simply trying to prove whatever point you're trying to prove and now you're just being a vindictive whore. Your point loses validity if you keep annoying people with over-the-top, loud, meaningless bullshit (*ahem* PETA...Jesse Jackson...Kanye...FOXNews...). Maybe you should take a trip to the southern hemisphere where it is summer, take some Prozac, do some Jell-O shooters, and chill the fuck out.

Look, people like you most of the year. Spring? Yeah, you're a pretty cool chick. You could lay off the rain a little, but it's cool. Summer? You're awesome. It's hot and chicks are wearing less clothing and people can drink beer in the sunlight until 8pm...pretty fucking awesome. We thank you for that. Fall? It's a little cooler, but the leaves are changing and the days are perfect and it's great to be outside enjoying nature and shit...great job, Madame Nature. But this whole crazy fucking Arctic winter bullshit that you're pulling right now...not cool and really making people wish you'd just go the fuck away. You've become that annoying drunk bitch who is ruining the party. We'll remember this shit and you won't be invited to the next party.

So whatever the fuck is bothering you right now, Mother Nature, do something to fix the problem. But, stop taking that shit out on us. We didn't raise your insurance rates, we didn't make you pay $20 for your first checked bag, and we think your carrot cake is fucking awesome. So stop. Stop being a bitch, Mother Nature. Go ahead and make it spring and we might be able to forgive you for this temporary insanity. Maybe. We're pretty mad at you. Bitch.

A slightly related but completely useless sidenote: Al Roker is an annoying fucking douchebag. I'd rather listen to that dude who played Corky on Life Goes On try to explain barometric pressure in song than listen to Al Roker tell me it's going to be 31 degrees in Knoxville.