Apologies and More Rambling.

O.K., so I have to apologize for my drunken rambling last night. I'm sorry. It's just that sometimes I get a little drunk and do things that seem like a good idea at the time, only to be looked back upon with a little bit of disdain, some remorse, and maybe even a laugh if whatever it was didn't cost me any money. Fortunately, all last night cost me was some of my literary integrity, which was pretty much non-existent in the first place, so I'll survive. I also lost a follower, but I knew that at some point my Grandma was going to have had enough and drop me. I guess she doesn't like Dave Chappelle. Whatever, Grandma, I have 13 other friends now, I don't really need you anymore. But you know, if you want to keep sending cookies, that's cool.

Anyway, I will try to be a little better today. Should be easy since I'm not drunk and yesterday's post was so incredibly stupid that anything worse would be immediately deleted from the internet by Al Gore's Quality Control Squad. Al Gore doesn't want us dumbing down his internet. How they haven't shut this piece of shit blog down yet just leads me to believe they are a little overburdened moderating forums over at runnersworld.com.

What to blog about today...hmm...well, I haven't had anymore run-ins with owls, so that's cool. Fucking owls. I think they know they pissed me off and are laying low for a while. Good idea, owls. You don't want to mess with me.

I still haven't had any Girl Scout Thin Mints. I know those little spoiled brats are going to say some stupid shit like "It's been too cold to stand outside the store" or something, but I don't want to hear it. I know you have the latest supply, bitches, harden the fuck up and get your asses out there so I can get my cookie fix.

Um...what else...oh, yeah...Fuck you, North Carolina emissions testing protocol. Your ultra-sensitive bitch of a testing machine failed my wife's car for some stupid fucking "evap leak sensor" bullshit. Thanks. Thanks for saving the Ozone from that untraceable amount of evaporated fuel that may or may not actually be leaking from the fuel system. Thanks for making me drop 50 bones (on top of your already stupidly high inspection fee) for a 2" inch piece of hose that may or may not fix what may or may not actually be a real leak. Thanks for being there, NC, making sure my wife's car doesn't destroy the world. Yeah, better take care of insensitive enviro-criminals like us; it's not like you could be handling all of the fucking city buses I see spewing 8 tons of black shit into the air every time they accelerate. Or all of that expensive equipment that your very own state agency employees are operating to fix roads that I see billowing smoke into the atmosphere (when those bastards are actually doing work). Nope, no need to take care of that big shit, your sensor found a micro-milligram of evaporated fuel coming from somewhere in my wife's ride, so her car is not worthy of being registered in North Carolina until we are sure that this particular vehicle isn't going to usher in the next batch of Global Warming.

Wow, two Al Gore based references in one blog. Not bad. I'm cereal, guys.

(See, my Grandma wouldn't even have gotten that joke. Then I would have had to explain it and then she would say she's never seen South Park and I'd just get mad. So it's probably good she's no longer my friend, buddy.)

Anyway, yeah, I understand the need for emissions testing, and I know that in reality I only lost a few hours and $50, but that's just fucking annoying. And, seeing as how I haven't had any Thin Mints, I don't think now is the time to be annoying me.

Man, I really need some Thin Mints.