You're in the Jungle, Baby, You're Gonna Die!

...Die of crazy excitement overload, that is. That's right bitches, I have a blog. I know you're all saying "Aww, shit!" and tempted to dance while doing that stupid "nn-cha nn-cha nn-cha" thing that people do when they act like they're listening to techno. Feel free, an occasion as momentous as this deserves humiliating celebration.

You're probably wanting to ask "Matt, what will you blog about?" Well, my little bitches, I will blog about anything and everything I damn well please. I certainly don't have the desire, motivation, or mental ability to keep my blog relevant to anything, so this will be a potpourri of whatever ridiculous shit pops into my head at any given moment. An open window to the fetid abyss that is my mind, if you will. That's right, I used "fetid." Look it up if you have to.

You're probably also wanting to ask "Matt, what the hell is 'hippie popcorn'?" For those of you who haven't heard the news, hippie popcorn is the greatest microwave popcorn in the history of popcorn. The popcorn is EarthFare stores' own brand of organic popcorn, and it is stellar. This popcorn obviously comes from a farm where a magician of a farmer holds each seed to the sky for God to kiss before planting, then lovingly raises the corn as if each stalk was his only child. Upon harvesting, the kernels are placed into bags suitable for microwave popping, obviously coated with some kind of organic super butter. Upon popping, your senses are molested by the aroma of popcorn perfection, and any other popcorn within a 10 mile radius feels shame. Then you taste it, and you know that if there is popcorn in Heaven, it is brought to you by EarthFare. Contrary to the word "hippie" being associated with this popcorn, it does not subscribe to a code of non-violence, tie-dye, and peace sign stickers; this popcorn will kick your popcorn's ass. And then laugh at it.

Now, you're probably wanting to ask "Matt, did you really just spend an entire paragraph raving about popcorn?" Yes I did, and I'll do it again if I want to, because this is MY blog, bitches. And you will read it because you won't be able to not.

Anyway, welcome to the next chapter of some retard with a laptop and wireless internet spewing forth random observations and inane rants/raves simply because he has an outlet and 3 people who like his crappy writing style. You're going to love it here. Unless you are easily offended by foul language, anger, insensitivity, and complete mockery of anything or anyone. If you are, this might not be the place for you. Good riddance, Cupcake.

To the rest of you, welcome to my little corner of the internet. Bitches.