Worst. Show. Ever.

I have seen a lot of bad shows. I have worked too many shows that I wished were over 3 minutes after they started. I have endured small club misery for the sake of watching friends' bands play. Hell, I sat in garages when I was a teenager and listened to friends destroy garage rock. Never have I witnessed an absolute clusterfuck of musical suck like I witnessed last night. I hope I never witness anything like it again.

Let me begin by saying that I am not a huge fan of George Clinton or P-Funk. I know a few of their songs from back in the day, and they're kinda fun. I thought the show would just be an entertaining night of silly 70's groove songs. Well, there were a lot of sounds being made on stage that could potentially have been 70's groove songs...but what was actually happening was a butchering of music that would have anyone who ever played a recorder as a child turning in their graves.

First off, P-Funk is apparently some conglomeration of a bunch of crackfucks George Clinton knows and wants to have up on stage, whether they have any talent or not. Not that they would know they were untalented, as baked as those people were, I doubt they even knew what planet they were on, much less that they were supposed to be putting on a musical show. If you've ever seen the Family Guy where Peter and Lois get high and enter the talent contest and sing that song about God doing the fattest chick you know and they thought they were awesome but in reality, they sucked ass...you can imagine what last night was like.

At one point in time, I counted 19 people on stage. 19. Unless you are a highly skilled orchestra, there is never any need for 19 people on stage. Especially when only 4 of them were playing instruments. The four who were playing instruments apparently have never spent a day practicing together, because at no point in time did they seem to be playing the same song at the same time. The other 15 people who were back-up singers (and I use the word 'singer' very loosely, what those people were doing was more akin to cats mating in a garbage can full of broken glass or something) or dancers or people there to catch George if he stroked out or whatever were a mish-mash of cracked out Halloween failure. It was like a Goodwill store from 1974 exploded all over the stage and left no survivors. Most appalling...the heavy-set black chick with the big ol' ghetto booty wearing hot pants. Oh no, big mama, your ass should never have been anywhere near that rack in the store. Perhaps you didn't see Lane Bryant across the way, but you should maybe go over there. Please.

Other ridiculous things I saw in the crowd last night included the 60 year old black chick wearing silver tights; the 300 pound chick wearing a denim top that barely covered her ample chest...and nothing else; the young chick wearing a very small, very tight tube dress...which might not have been as bad if she had any sort of ass or tits that weren't saggy A-cups; and way too many fucking douchebag guys wearing Cat in the Hat type lids and/or feather fucking boas. This isn't a drag show, dumbfuck, leave mom's feather boa at home. You just look like a moron. No, nevermind, just get up on stage with the rest of the fucking freaks and bark like a dog or make noises like a fucking seagull or whatever the fuck those "singers" were doing. You'd fit right in. Here's your crack pipe.

It was atrocious. At no point did any of the music sound at all cohesive. Never did the "singers" ever find the right tune, key, pitch or zip code of anything resembling musical talent. And the worst part is, they played until one of the managers turned on the house lights (which is the international music venue symbol for 'get the fuck out of the building you douchefucks') and turned down the volume on the stage mics at 1am. Unreal. Never have I so badly wanted a show to be over. Never have I hoped for a stage collapse or random indoor lightning strike or simultaneous crack-induced coma like I did last night. I'm not usually terribly critical of shows I work, even if I don't enjoy them, but this was the pinnacle of suck.

Oh, and my concern about George's age? Well, anyone at any age can probably stand on stage and mumble a few things into the mic and point at everybody else on stage while they destroy the reputation of what you spent the last 40 years of your life building. He didn't do much, certainly didn't sing every song, and unfortunately, didn't realize that the people he had on stage were the worst excuse for musicians to ever annoy a room full of people.

Fuck, it was awful.