Proofread, Bitches.

I will preface today's rant by saying that I know people make mistakes, myself included. But, some things are just so fucking stupid that mistake or no, the people involved deserve to be called on it. If what provoked me to this rant hadn't occurred well after business hours, I might have stopped in and given whoever was running the joint some good advice like "Dictionary.com, Motherfucker" or "You just made everyone with a second grade education who has driven past your sign dumber, you retarded bastard." What can I say, sometimes I like to be helpful. What provoked this little rant, you ask?

As I was driving home from a shift at the club, I passed an oil change business that has a large sign with bright red LED screen on which they put messages for the general public to read as they drive by. The message that night: "WE SALE TIRES." Really? Really SpeedyLube or QuickyLube or LeftHandLubeJob or whatever your silly oil change related name is...really? "We. Sale. Tires." O.K., I know we live in the South, and I know that "sale" is probably how your hickbilly ass pronounces the word "sell," (maybe a random "r" thrown in for good measure like you do in "warsh") but the word is spelled s-e-l-l. You don't "sale" tires, dumbfuck, you "sell" them.

Am I being hypercritical? I don't think so. I don't think it's too much to expect an adult to not make a stupid fucking mistake that most marginally functional 2nd graders wouldn't make, especially when it's going to be put on a bright red fucking sign that will be seen by thousands of people on one of the busiest roads in the city. Or for any of the 10 other adults working at the shop to look at the sign and think "Hey, that don't sound ra-at." (say it just like it's spelled, that's how they say it down here.) I know it's not generally a business that employs members of MENSA or even people who just barely missed being invited to join the National Honor Society, but Jesus, people, this is basic shit. Not being able to type out a three word statement without fucking it up as if you've only spoken English for a few days is inexcusable, mostly because it's just fucking lazy. I know pride is a bitch, but next time, just ask ol' Jimmy Jack how the sign looks. Maybe he's heard enough on them learnin' shows that his kids watch on TV to be able to point out any dumbass mistakes. Or maybe just ask him to bring one of his kids to proofread that shit.

The worst part is that if I were to drive around for a day and really look, I could probably find 50 more examples that are as dumb or dumber than the one above. I don't expect everyone to speak with perfect grammar or to never overlook a misplaced comma when writing, but I do expect people who are going to put shit out that the masses will see to take a few extra seconds to ensure that it's correct. It's not that hard. Really. The business owner will be happier, the manager will be happier, and judgmental pricks who blog about human stupidity will be happier. Mostly. Maybe not, though, because then what would they blog about? Don't worry, they'll find something. Proofread it, bitches.