Being Sick Sucks Ass

I had almost made it through the entire winter without getting sick. Almost. It caught me today, and I feel like shit. I'm stuffed up and lethargic and having hot flashes like some menopausal woman (but no random crying fits...whew). I can't taste anything, but I am hungry as fuck. Seems pointless to eat if I can't enjoy the taste, but my stomach keep getting pissed off if I'm not cramming food in my word hole. This sucks.

I took some liquid Tylenol Cold shit, holy fuck that stuff is awful. "Refreshing Mint Flavor" my ass, Tylenol, that shit tastes worse than...well...pretty much anything I've ever tasted in my life. And I've eaten in the Middle East. I imagine that if you could somehow bottle baboon ass funk with a hint of rotting fish it would taste better than this medicine. Clearly there are no medicinal properties in the stuff, the scheme is simply to make it taste so fucking horrible that the body says "Fuck it, I'll get well right now, just don't throw any more of that God-forsaken mint-flavored liquid shit down your throat." Good job, Tylenol, finding something that pierces any cold symptoms that negate the ability to taste and sucker punches the taste buds. I can't taste this snack mix I'm throwing down by the handfuls, but I can still taste the sewer in a bottle I choked down 4 hours ago.

I suppose it is wise to not make that shit taste good, people would get addicted. If that shit tasted like chocolate chip cookies, I'd be chasing breakfast with it every morning.

I was supposed to do my long training run today, but I will not. I am sitting my fat ass in this chair and doing nothing until I have to go to the club to work the Rodrigo y Gabriela show tonight. I am excited for this show, it should be incredible. If you've never heard of them, look them up. No, I will not link you to them, I'm sick. I don't have that kind of energy. Find it yourself, this isn't a full service blog. It's worth the effort, they are exceptionally talented guitarists. If you like the guitar, you will like this duo. If you like attractive Latinas with fingers that move faster than the eye can comprehend, you'll at least like half of this duo.

So yeah, I'm going to have to work the show while feeling like shit, which sucks. I may get one of those white masks that most of Asia was wearing during the SARS outbreak just to scare people at the door. "Can I see your I.D., please...the mask? Oh, I have Swine Flu. Don't worry about it. Enjoy the show." I bet I could get people to behave inside with that method..."You want me to breathe on you, Motherfucker? That's what I thought."

Shit. It's time to take more of the piss in a bottle. Let me tell you how excited I am about that. You know that feeling you get when you're stranded in the wilderness and you have to pull an abcessed tooth with some make-shift pliers you fashioned out of tree limbs? Me neither, but I imagine that feeling would inspire more enthusiasm than does the thought of swallowing 2 more tablespoons of that liquid Tylenol taste bud rape. Fuck you, Tylenol.