Withdrawals.

I know all 16 of you who follow me are going through them right now. "He hasn't posted anything in a week! Why? Where is he? Did he OD on thin mints? Why doesn't he love us enough to give us a fix?!" Well, settle down, bitches, Daddy is back.

It has actually been a pretty disappointing week as far as things to muse upon, and I even made a couple trips to WalMart. Shit, I can almost always find something mock in the groups of people at WalMart...but this week everyone was reasonably normal. Which is OK, I guess, but it sucks if you're trying to entertain people with comedic rants based on observations. Even worse than people around me not being completely fucking retarded, no one has really pissed me off this week. This has to be some sort of record. No, it's not that I'm feeling Zen after gorging on thin mints. If anything, I should be even more on edge now because I got a fix, but haven't had any since. Those little bitches haven't been out there again. Bitches. Where are my cookies?

I have been watching a little of the Olympics, and I must say...it doesn't really seem like other countries are trying all that much anymore. The US is pretty handily leading the medal count so far, which didn't used to be the case in the Winter Olympics. It used to be that countries like Germany, Sweden, France, and Russia (South Korea has the same number of medals as Russia....what the fuck, Big Red?) would dominate the games, and the US would get a few Bronzes here and there, maybe a lucky silver in figure skating or something, and one or two random golds. Now, it just seems as though the other countries have decided to say "fuck the Olympics" and not even try.

Yeah, Canada is completely owning Curling. They're the Curling powerhouse. Great job, Canada. Way to dominate in a sport than people love to mock, eh? Seriously? Curling? Canada, you should be ashamed. It's cold 9 months out of the year in your country, you should own these games. In every sport, not just the bastard child pseudo-sport of fucking Curling. Disappointing, Canada.

(Just because: You would think Mexico would have a great curling team, but I guess all of their most talented broom handlers are working for hotels in the US. Yeah, I went there. Horribly inappropriate joke? Check.)

The Germans are pretty easily owning the Luge and Skeleton, which just goes to show that fine German engineering isn't reserved solely for their automobiles. They can make their people more aerodynamic, which is pretty fucking awesome, really. Farfegnugen indeed, Germany. Yeah, Germany has a few other medals in some of the other sports, but they just don't have that "Fuck you" attitude that they once did in the Olympics. The Fuhrer would be pissed, Germany.

Russia. Dear God, Russia, what the hell has happened to you? I know, you're going to throw out those excuses of internal collapse, losing various states to independence, and complete economic ruin, but I'm not really buying it. There has to be some talented athletes left, and even though you're not forcing them to start training 18 hours a day to be figure skaters when they start crawling doesn't mean you guys should suck this badly at the Winter Olympics. Like Canada, it's always fucking frigid in your country, you should dominate anything that has to do with ice and snow. Or at least be competitive. Step it up, Russia. The world wants to hate you again.

The other thing I've been noticing is that figure skating has gotten even more gay. It's always been a pretty gay sport, even back in the day when the skaters couldn't openly admit they were gay. It is obviously a very difficult sport, and requires a shitload of talent. I absolutely respect the athleticism. But fuck, figure skating, do you have to be all about pageantry and glittery costumes and guys who are more feminine than any female athlete at the Olympics? I know that the premise of the sport is grace and fluidity and shit, but I'm sure the dudes could be graceful and fluid while dressed in something that doesn't look like it was recently used by a Vegas showgirl. In fact, I would be more impressed by figure skating if those dudes wore cargo pants and a Foster's T-shirt when they were doing that shit. Triple Lutz while wearing board shorts? That would be impressive. Your costume that looks like the glitter fairy had diarrhea all over you? Not impressive. Just once I'd like to see some dude get on the ice in a Ghillie Suit. THAT would talent.

I won't even address ice dancing, because I'm trying hard to forget that I ever watched 20 seconds of that shit.