Ugly People and Loud Talkers at the DMV.

Holy shit. If you want to feel better about yourself; your life, your looks, your ability to form a semi-coherent sentence...go to the DMV. Yeah, it's annoying as fuck to have to stand in line for 35 minutes to conduct 14 seconds worth of business, but dammit if my self-esteem didn't get a huge boost by being there today. There are some ugly motherfuckers in this world, and a large portion of them were at the DMV today. Oh, shut up, like you people don't look at ugly people and thank them for being so fucking repulsive that it makes you look better. Don't act like I'm being mean. Ugly people are just ugly. They know they're unattractive, and if they don't, then they're delusional and ugly. Bad combo. Anyway, it really was amazing that in a room full of about 30 people, I was the only one who didn't look like I had suffered my face being repeatedy bashed into the trunk of the ugly tree. I'm not some great looking guy or anything, but damn, I felt like fucking Adonis standing in there.

Then, some of the goofy looking monkey-trolls started talking to each other. Now, I live in the south, so I expect to hear things like "Y'uns", a little bit of poor grammar, and words that should be one syllable being drawn out into three or four; but damn, these fools were borderline unintelligible. Not that I was trying to listen in on their conversation, but when they're talking loud enough for people 3 buildings over to hear them, it's hard not to.

Which brings me to a habit that annoys the living fuck out of me every fucking time I have to deal with it: Loud talkers. Hey, dumbshit, that guy you're talking to? He's standing 2 feet away from you. There is no need to talk to him as if he is across the fucking state. I'm guessing that you could use your inside voice and he would be able to hear it, and if he can't, then fuck him, MiracleEar is just a call away. There is no reason to yell, ever. Those of us within earshot do not give a fuck that your boy Tim is a good worker and he's been making good progress towards getting a full time job. We don't care that you're working two days a weeks stocking shelves somewhere. And we certainly don't care, dumb bitch with the stringy hair, that you failed the part of the test where you're supposed to keep your mouth shut. Yeah, we know you failed that part because your illiterate ass hasn't stopped butchering the english language since we walked in. Shut the fuck up and stand in line. This is the DMV, not some social group where any of us might want to pretend to give a fuck about you. We don't. We don't want to hear your conversation.

Although, I will say that I smiled and almost laughed when the 80 year old dude she was boring with her life story (I know he was 80 because he told her. Twice.) said something about having to "mimiograph" his inspection form. HAHA, "mimiograph?" I don't think anyone has used a mimiograph machine in 25 years, much less actually said "mimiograph." I can't wait until I'm old enough to use obsolete terms when refering to shit that all the young people around me have probably never experienced and rock overalls like they're the most fashionable thing going.

I digress. Loud talkers, tone it down. Please. Your point is not more valid because you say it louder. Your humor is not wittier because you tell your joke loud enough for deaf children in India to hear it. That's especially pointless, because they wouldn't get the joke anyway. Seriously, be quiet. Especially if you're talking to me. I'm standing right in front of you, and my hearing works just fine. I hate small talk and probably don't even want to be interacting with you, I certainly don't want you yelling the stupid shit with which you are boring me. Stop fucking shouting.

I never thought I would see a day where I was thankful for having to go to the DMV. But, I can approach the rest of this day with the solid assurance that I am neither the ugliest nor dumbest person on the planet. Thank you, DMV.