Playing Roulette and Fucking Pop Culture

Allow me to begin today's entry by expressing my sympathies to our runnersworld.com friend Steph. Because Mother Nature is continuing to be a nasty fucking bitchface and brewed up another Snowpocalypse or Snowmaggedon or Chersnowbyl or The Snowlocaust or whatever witty politicians will be calling this storm, Steph didn't get to go to Florida to run Gasparilla. (I'm sure that Pat Robertson will insist that this storm is God punishing New Jersey for Snooki, but that's not important right now.) She will probably be drunk all weekend, and I don't think she even reads my blog, so she won't see this; but I figured that since she was really upset about the whole thing I would show an ounce of humanity and not mock her for missing yet another race. I'm a good friend like that.

Now that I'm done being what I would call nice, I will move on. Thanks to comedian Daniel Tosh and a repeat of his Tosh.0 show on Comedy Central, I was introduced last night to chatroulette.com. The premise of chatroulette is that you log in with your webcam on, and the system randomly connects you to another person with their webcam on. You can click "next" at any time to run away from whatever you see, so there is a safety. The potential for abject hilarity is there, so I decided to check it out.

I was quite disappointed. In my 40 minutes or so of experimenting, I was subjected to 1 fat, hairy, naked male torso (Really, fat fucking man-sweater? This is how you get your jollies on a Friday night?); 1 dude wearing a black wife-beater and nothing else (Nice, you fucking whack-job. The wife-beater really accentuates your lack of arm definition and completely distracts from your lack of penis size...); 4 individual, random guys sitting with their faces about 2 inches from the camera (Hey guys, it's called soap, and you can use it on your faces); 1 person who had the webcam pointed above their head so only the crown of their head and the dead flowers on a shelf behind them were visible (Psst...you can adjust the angle...); 1 group of 4 dudes sitting on a bed (fully clothed, but still...a little fucking lame, guys, that you're sitting on your friend's bed scanning chatroulette on a Friday night); 2 young chicks who made some weird screaming/cattle dying sound when their camera turned on (Yeah, I know I'm ugly, but lowing like you're cattle and the bolt gun didn't do it's job? That kinda hurts); and 3 young, somewhat attractive chicks who quickly clicked "next" when they saw me (take that, ego). At no point did I actually get a chance to interact with any of these people, and I assume that it was because they were just looking for the same random craziness I was or I wasn't naked enough. My search for something hilarious fell quite short.

I also spent a lot of time waiting for the system to find a random stranger to connect with, which was annoying, considering that it said there were 20,000 people online. There had to have been plenty of random fucking goofball strangers for the system to connect me with. I was let down by what could be a very funny site. I think I may get drunk and try again the next time I have a free night. Maybe I'll take the reverse angle and be the freak...I could paint my face to look like a clown and wear a dress or something to inspire reactions...maybe I went about this search for comedy all wrong. Maybe I need to be the comedy, and just document what happens. Stay tuned, this might be an idea.

Anyway, I got to thinking about the whole chatroulette thing and realized that I am not quite as in touch with pop culture as I might need to be for this blog to be truly EPIC. Yeah, I made a Snooki reference, but I've never watched that dumb fucking show. You would think I would love watching people make complete asses of themselves on television, but I don't. It actually pisses me off. I don't like stupid people, I certainly don't enjoy watching them further dumb down society by broadcasting their idiocy for the world to see.

However, I think I may need to start tuning in more to those types of shows. It would be solely for the sake of comedic blog writing material, of course. I don't want to be that grumpy old blog guy, standing on my e-porch, yelling at the cyberkids to get the fuck off my server just because I'm out of touch with the world outside of my Ben Gay and microwaveable chicken pot pie scented bubble. So, with an admittedly begrudging spirit, I will do my best to watch some horrible reality TV in the next few weeks. You will either (eether, which is the proper way to pronounce that word, if you didn't know) see some brilliant fucking assessments of these shows or you will see the beginning of my descent into complete fucking anti-social madness because I just can't take it anymore that dumbfucks like that are getting rich off of their stupidity. Either way, it should be entertaining for you bitches to read.

Check out chatroulette.com for yourself. Perhaps you will have better luck than I did. If you see bottomless wife-beater guy, maybe don't click "next" too fast. Say hi. See if his personality is bigger than that silly little vienna sausage looking thing he calls a shlong.