Dollar Store Stupidity and Merging.

While out running a few errands before work this afternoon, I drove past some poor chick who was wearing a Statue of Liberty costume and holding a sign advertising Dollar Palace or Dollar Kingdom or Dollar Shithouse or whatever stupid fucking dollar store inhabits that particular strip mall. She was standing outside, in a stupid fucking Statue of Liberty costume, in 35 degree weather, amongst the 2 foot deep files of snow that had recently been plowed from the road. What the fuck, Dollar Shithole? Is this method really supposed to get me to slam on my brakes, turn into the parking lot, and drop in to spend $6 on worthless crap?

Let me let you know, Dollar Shitstain, it doesn't work. If anything, it makes me mad at you for having business practices that allow for some poor minimum wage employee to be forced to stand outside in a ridiculous fucking costume on an overcast day with near-freezing temperatures. I certainly won't shop at your store if that's what you put your employees through, you ruthless bastards. I understand that as a dollar store, your advertising budget is likely limited. But making employees freeze their asses off while they suffer the humiliation of standing on the side of the road being ridiculed and having half-empty Burger King cups thrown at them by high school punks? Bad form, Dollar Shitface. I don't ever shop at any dollar store because I am content to spend an extra few bucks on window cleaner, but I certainly will never step foot into your den of employee degradation. Let that poor girl come inside, give her a cup of dollar hot chocolate, and maybe assume that your lighted sign on the strip mall marquee will draw in those people desperately seeking a place to buy shit for a dollar.

So, I continued driving, quite irritated by the whole statue of lame advertising failure episode, and then I get to the on-ramp for the highway to go home. Since I got my driver's license on the day after I turned 16 (fuck you, Labor Day), one driving habit that others have has driven me absolutely insane every single time I have seen it happen. I am not normally prone to road rage, but people who don't understand the concept of entering a highway/freeway and merging with traffic set me off every single time.

First off, you non-merging piece of shit drivers, the on-ramp is made as long as possible for a reason. That reason is to allow drivers the chance to get up to the speed of traffic on the highway. You see, when cars are going 60-65-70 miles per hour on a highway, a car (like yours) entering the highway at 35 mph really fucks a lot of things up. Your fear of the accelerator and inability to comprehend the very simple concept of merging could potentially cause an accident, and will certainly cause road rage in others. It's a fairly simple concept, but obviously you dumbasses don't get it. Speed the fuck up. Simple enough?

Second, you stupid fuckers, the Yield sign at the bottom of the on-ramp IS NOT A STOP SIGN. It is a yield sign. It clearly says "YIELD" in big red letters. That simply means that you are not to cut off a car in the right lane when you get on the highway. It does not mean stop your fucking car at the bottom of the ramp. It especially does not mean stop if you don't see any cars on the highway anywhere near the on-ramp. Just keep fucking going and get on the fucking highway you dumb bastards. This line of cars behind you is expecting you to get on the highway without stopping, so you stopping for no reason whatsoever really fucks a lot of things up. Your inability to read and understand the basic premise of the word "yield" could potentially cause an accident, and will certainly cause road rage in others. It's a really simple concept, but obviously you dumbasses don't get it. Keep fucking moving. Simple enough?

I don't think I'm expecting you non-merging dumbasses to understand any sort of abstract theories of physics or anything by thinking you should know how to merge into traffic at an acceptable speed. Or that you should know the meaning of "yield." But, apparently, it is rocket science; and you stupid assholes are trying to build a spaceship out of balsa wood and thumbtacks. Until you grasp the simplest concepts of driving, get off the road, you dumb fuckholes.