Taco Bell Can Suck It

Good Morning, Bitches. It's Day 2 of the new and exciting journey into blogdom, and I gotta say, I am excited. Not that fake kind of excited you throw out when your grandparents get you a soccer board game meant for a 12 year-old when you're 28, but really excited. I think this whole thing is going to be quite therapeutic, and may even wind up keeping me out of jail.

Because I get to vent about things like the latest stupid fucking Taco Bell commercial. If I don't vent here, I might just wind up walking into the nearest Taco Bell and punching whatever dumbass kid is behind the counter. "You can thank your corporate advertising office for that shiner, Taco Punk!" The commercial in question features some douchebag walking into a Taco Bell and asking the girl behind the counter (who is about 100 times hotter than any chick I've ever seen working at any fast food joint, so much for any believability...) if some other chick is working because he feels more comfortable dealing with her. The chick being requested comes up (also hotter than any greasy burrito slinger I've ever seen) and the douchebag commences to ask her for an 89 cent burrito like she cut him a deal or some stupid shit as if no one knows that Taco Bell burritos are 89 fucking cents everywhere on the planet. Kids in Borneo who have never even seen a TV know they can scrounge up a dollar and get a burrito.

Anyway, fuck you, Taco Bell. It's bad enough that you caught me at a point where I hadn't DVR'd the program I was watching so I could skip through the commercials, but then you have to go and insult every person who has enough of an IQ to not shit themselves when the doorbell rings. What fucking genius in your ad department thought it would be a good idea to portray Taco Bell customers as the biggest douchebags on the planet? What executive listened to the pitch and thought "Yeah, pissing off anyone who sees this commercial will sell more 89 cent burritos! Run with it!" Are you people so awash in cash that you can just waste money on making one of the dumbest fucking commercials in the history of television? Must be nice. Tell you what, eat the cost of that commercial and just give me the burrito for free. It would be more effective than that abject waste of 30 seconds of everyone's lives. No one...NO ONE will see that commercial and run to Taco Bell. Instead, they will all approach their keyboards and write rants about your shitty marketing.

I hate commercials in general, but every now and then, a commercial comes along that is so unfuckingbelievably dumb it makes me want boycott anything that could potentially be related to a company. "Sorry Grandma, you once made tacos for dinner, and that makes me think of Taco Bell, so I can't talk to you right now. Well that, and I'm still pissed about that soccer game from a few years back. You understand, principles and whatnot."

Fucking Taco Bell.

I won't lie, though, their cinnamon crisp thingies are kinda good when you're really drunk.